Case Study for March 2007
The things that money can't buy: Oscar, Kate and Kate's mother Cecilia (not their real names).
Background: Kate and Oscar have been married for six years. Oscar works as a bookkeeper and Kate has a part time job in retail. They both work hard but it's a struggle to make ends meet with rent and child care expenses costing so much. Kate is fond of her family who live close by and she is wanting to buy a present for her mother, Cecilia, who will be turning 52 in a week. Oscar's relationship with his mother in law is cordial, but strained by the way Cecilia continually laments their modest home and lifestyle. He believes that Cecilia is disappointed that Kate did not marry a previous boyfriend whose successful marketing career is mentioned in many of Cecilia's conversations. Kate asks her mother what she would like for her birthday and she replies "Nothing dear, I have everything that I want" then tells them about her friend who was taken to Paris by her daughter as a birthday treat. And no, she does not think that making a wish list is a good idea, she is not greedy.
The Gift: With limited resources Kate and Oscar decide to be creative. Kate takes a photo of her mother together with Kate and Oscar's curly haired toddlers and she puts it into a simple silver plated frame. They invite Cecilia and some other family members to a picnic BBQ at a scenic bay side location. It's a beautiful warm day and although Cecilia does not appreciate the flies she does enjoy being with a loving family. Oscar is particularly attentive, and is hurt when Cecilia remarks that the day was 'a cheap way to celebrate'. Oscar is deflated. It seemed like a perfect gift.
The Problem: Money is only one of the resources lacking. Successful gift giving requires generosity on the part of both the giver and the receiver. In not recognising the value that Kate and Oscar put into her celebration Cecilia has lost the opportunity to give the gift of gratitude. Acknowledging her enjoyment would have empowered both Oscar and Kate in their dealings with authority figures in their working world. It would have gone a long way to making Oscar feel welcome in the family and made Kate feel that her choices have been respected. It was perhaps as 'perfect' a gift as Cecilia would ever receive, just not acknowledged as such. What a wasted opportunity!
The outcome: Relations are still strained between Oscar and Cecilia. He and Kate do not visit quite so often. Kate decides that, as much as she loves her mother, she will not follow her example and behave so ungenerously. So when her birthday comes around she makes a wish list at Todayiwish.com and takes the opportunity to list 'picnic on the grass with Oscar, Toby and Todd' as a gift 'that money can't buy'.
Oscar sees that Kate still loves French Perfume and stretchy blue jeans. He would love to buy her everything on her long list of wishes but money is too hard to come by. It doesn't matter. Kate is not greedy. She might have gone up a dress size since the children but those snug blue jeans are enough to make them both smile.
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